IMPERIA or: let's do homemade pasta. With the Power of Lord.

Wannabe pasta-maker? IMPERIA: this is the magic word.
Imperia is a beautiful stainless steel machine look-alike the one produced in the thirties here in Italy. Yes, they make it to date, and sell it with an identical packaging. Just below the Imperia box:

Now they sell also a motorized version, but, bedda matri, don't buy this american rubbish. I know that in your daydream you can make pasta pushing on a remote control from the sofa, with a 2 litre cola in a hand and soaking a tortilla in chili sauce with the other hand. Sure, you have just the big toe to push the remote control, izz enough. Make an effort, there's an extraordinary motive power in your arms and it's free! Use it.

My grandmother Matilda called it "The power of the Lord". Ok, when she turn off the light she tell me "let's use the light of the Lord". Fortunately the Lord did not claimed for bill payment, until now.

But stop with thick talk, we have to make homemade pasta with Imperia.

You need:

- Durum wheat. Pastry flour will give you a pasta good to use as glue, a good work for your dentist. Manitoba is good, but durum wheat is better.
- water
- Imperia
- the power of your arm, or, if you are that kind of people, the Power of Lord. Bedda matri. May be if you are that kind of people, you will feel to owe somebody to Him. You could offer Him a dish of pasta, why not? My grandmother Matilda... ok, I will tell you nex time.

You have to make a hard dough, mixing water and wheat. Add water enough to do a ball good for the IMPERIA steel rolls. Pass the dough throug the rolls many times, until comes out from the machine a smooth and thick sheet.

In the picture above I make a dough with water and cuttlefish ink, good for seafood pasta.
With Imperia you can do tagliatelle with the sheet:


And now the hard point for you americans glue-eaters: to guess the right cooking point.
Boil a lot of water. Add salt. And add pasta. The pasta will sink.
When it comes up, it's good, OK? When floats, you have to keep it out of boiling water, immediatly!! OK?

Just now! FLOATING PASTA!! GO and drain it, NOW! GODDAMN, why you are reading this stupid post? GOOO!!!

Enjoy!

Spaghetti in cuttlefish ink or: how much employs your cramp to come out

Ok, words as "cramp", "shit", "caca", "dirt" or similar, usually did not appear in cooking recipes. But I consider this a particular case.
If you want, you can take from this post considerations about shit alone. Otherwise you can ignore shit, or believe that I really intended "ship" or "chic" and only consider this spaghetti in cuttlefish ink recipe. Or, if you have hard stomach and can do it without barfing, eat my spaghetti and discover how much employs your shit to come out.
Ok, but why?
I don't know. You could have a constipation problem and you should want to know how many days a lunch stay in your gut until you at last eject it (what a relief). May be you would evaluate the effects of your new probiotic-based diet, whit a simple first-before experiment.
Or simply you would see your feces colored in a beautiful brilliant black.
Anyway.

You need a cuttlefish. You need a big kitchen, easy to clean. You need a great kitchen apron.
And finally you need these

INGREDIENTS
- 1 cuttlefish
- parsley
- garlic
- 1 onion
- 4 ripe tomatoes
- a glass of white wine
- spaghetti

Ok. It's the worst side. We have to clean the cuttlefish, WITHOUT break the ink sac. With a scissor cut away the eyes. Do the eyes splashed off on your face? Yes? It's funny, isn't it? Now, with the same scissor remove the beak. Now, open the head with a long cut: the brown muck is the liver. Here in Scoglitti

we consider it as delicacies, but you Americans probably throw it away. Patience.
In the middle should be stay the ink sac, drop shaped. Keep it gently and cut away from the cuttlefish. Squeeze it in a little cup. Nearby should stay also the eggs or the sperm sac. Here in Scogli... ok, THROW ALL AWAY, and go on. Then wash the cuttlefish with water. Will it have some taste? I don't now, probably NO: you have thrown all away, there's nothing to eat.

Ok, don't cry for milk sloshed down.
Let's cut garlic and onion, let's slowly fry them in olive oil, let's boil tomatoes for twenty seconds, peel off and chop them. Now we can add fine chopped cuttlefish to the soup, slosh on the white wine and finally add tomatoes. Cook for twenty minutes and color it in brilliant black with the cuttlefish ink. I find it beautiful.

Have you already boiled the spaghetti? Yes? Have you kept away a glass of spaghetti cooking water? NO? You foolish! Don't forget it next time. Now, mix together spaghetti and black soup, add a glass of water, wait a minute mixing on high fire and serve with minced parsley.

Now wait until you have to go to crap out.